‘d brain-hailing job

This site is a compilation of my writings about my personal experiences and outlook and philosophies in life. like other bloggers, I have this intense inclination towards writing.

I must say that writing is a very good exercise for the brain especially for those people having difficulty in expressing their thoughts and ideas orally. when writing, one can spill endless ideas even in just one seating. when a person takes a grip of his pen, his brain is stimulated by his effort to brainstorm his thoughts and organize them in a manner by which his readers are able to get what he is trying to convey. Thereupon, higher knowledge level is developed as the writer considers all the pros and cons of a particular circumstance. In this case, the person tries to delve into the objectivity of things and so he develops a critical mind when weighing a particular situation or circumstance that he is writing about.

writing is also considered as an outlet for those who are emotionally down. some firmly believe that it has a therapeutic effect, somehow making the person purged of the discomfort of pain and sorrow. but it has to be remembered that writing is also a skill, not just a mere outlet to vent out intense emotions. When writing, let’s try to ask ourselves “would this interest my readers?” We should not just bombard our readers with excessive rantings over some matters relating to OURSELVES. If we just write and write about ourselves only, then we might as well write on a diary notebook.

Nevertheless, it is but normal for everyone to write things about himself and his emotions in his first writings. However, as he matures, he becomes more aware of the things around him and begins writing about things that are far more relevant and essential.

I am not saying, though, that writing about ourselves should be discouraged. All i’m saying is that, we should minimize it. How? by bringing out universal truths from those personal experiences. when writing about our personal experiences, try also to philosophize, theorize, or even infer lessons from it.

I would appreciate if you try reading my posts and leave comments on them. Thank you..

Perhaps you have heard the news about a number of students who have been missing for how many days without a trace. The recent victim is actually a graduate of Saint Louis High School- Balatoc and is currently a student of Saint Louis University. I personally don’t know her but she is the daughter of my brother-in-law’s brother. She also happened to be the older sister of one of my students. For confidentiality purposes, let us keep her identity under the name Danielle.

I have heard the news from my mother and my sister. One night, I was washing the dishes when my mom started to recount the story. According to her, Danielle went out of the house one night for a school requirement and since then, she never went back home. The relatives were so worried then since the kid doesn’t usually go out of the house that long. As a matter of fact, she has never spent a night outside. She doesn’t hangout and she certainly goes home straight after school. So it was really a surprise for a girl whose daily route is school-house to just disappear without a trace.

It was my sister who filled in the missing information about the disappearance of Danielle. According to her, the parents have been seeking for help from one trance (albularyo) to another. And here’s a creepy incident that transpired during one of the sessions with a trance. It really scared the daylights out of me. Here’s how it goes: having been quite desperate to know the kid’s whereabouts, the relatives decided to call for a trance’s help. And the trance said that only Danielle could tell them where she was at the moment. And the moment the old woman spoke, after doing some rituals, it was DANIELLE. Her voice, her mannerisms, all Danielle. How the trance managed to pull out Danielle’s spirit from her body was beyond my comprehension. I have always watched documentaries and movies about human spirits being able to transcend beyond the body but I have always had doubts if it could be possible. Publicity has always been a means to make money. One cannot help but be dubious about it. But this is a matter of life and death. There’s no way it is fabricated.

Anyway, Danielle was able to tell everything what had really happened that night (through the trance’s body). She was unknowingly pulled inside a van by men and the next thing she knew, she was in a room with some other girls at her age. According to her, she had been being physically violated (her exact words actually were “pinagpasa-pasahan”) and had been being injected by drugs. I suppose they do that to train her body for whatever purpose there is. The assumption, then, which is most likely the truth, is that the people who kidnapped her are syndicates who harbor teenage girls for the purpose of prostitution. When Danielle was asked where exactly she was, all she knew was, the seemingly abandoned concrete building where she is locked in, together with the others, is nearby a river or some sort of running water. She also hears people passing by but these people apparently don’t know what’s going on inside that building.

Some of the relatives who witnessed the conversation between mother and child decided to go out for a while for they could no longer contain the horrendous feeling brought about by what they were hearing. It must have been hard for the mother hearing her daughter talk about her present condition and situation. After the mom asked Danielle to go back to her own body, the trance went back also to her own self.

Another concern regarding the girl’s sudden disappearance is the inconsistencies of her friend’s statements. Being the lost girl’s friend, it’s but normal for everyone to interrogate her, the guidance counselor of SLU, the parents, and probably the authorities. Afraid to scare her away, they didn’t push her hard. They just asked mild questions. And it turned out that she couldn’t answer a single question without contradicting her prior statements. The mother suddenly remembered what the trance had said. One of Danielle’s friends had set her up. This makes then the friend a suspect. But the problem is, the friend has been absent in her class for how many days. Apparently, she must have gotten the hint that she’s being suspected.

My conversation with my sister shifted back to the trance’s ability to accommodate Janice’s spirit inside the former’s body. We have pondered on what the physical body is up to when the spirit lingers somewhere. It’s momentarily dead, perhaps. This conversation led to another sharing of story about a neighbor who has been electrified by an open electric wire. The impact of the electricity that gushed through his body was so intense he almost died. But thank God he didn’t. At the hospital, after all the effort of the doctors to revive him, everyone was so certain he passed away already. Everything of him stopped, his heartbeat, his pulse, his breathing. The brother even called up the parents who were at home to prepare for the arrival of his supposed dead son. But something happened that changed everything. The brother’s wife who happened to have a third-eye saw the spirit of the boy. having known that the spirit of the boy came back home to just take one last glance at his family before going to god knows where, the brother’s wife convinced him to go back to his body. Her exact words were: Agsubli kan jay bagim, kitam kadi da mama nga agsangsangit. (Please don’t go. you return to your body. look at mama, she’s crying.) The people were so wondering why she was seemingly talking to the air. After a few minutes, the people at home received a call from the hospital saying that the boy was miracuously alive.

Everything I have heard within these 24 hours bothers me. It brought out queries that I’m actually hesitant to entertain: queries that can actually challenge my faith and can question some established principles about Christian anthropology. Paranormal phenomena are not new to me. However, I grew up believing that whenever the soul ascendes from the body, it goes directly to only God knows where. It doesn’t linger around.

It seems that there is more to life than hanging out, being excellent and competitive in everything, receiving a monthly salary, trying your best to retain your position; name everything you most care about! It’s so odd how we are so busy caring about the physical world when there are a lot of things we need to acknowledge about the spiritual aspect of life.

ALAMBRE

Ikatlong hakbang palang papasok sa pintuan

ay muling narinig ang garalgal na boses

ng inang nakatulugan ang panonood

ng balita habang naghihintay ng katok.

Pinilit buksan ang pinto gamit ang

alambre upang ‘di mapansin ang entrada.

ngunit binigo ito ng mabibigat na paang

di mapigilan ang pagbangga sa upuan.

“Problema ka talaga. Sawang-sawa na’ko sa’yo!”

Walang sawang sambit ng ina gabi-gabi.

Hila-hila ang napulot na mahabang alambre,

yumuko nalang sa paglakad papasok sa kwarto.

Pagbagsak ng mabigat na katawan sa kama’y

napukaw ang tingin sa larawang nakasabit.

Halos walang pinagkaiba sa ibang larawan

bukod sa ito’y may pangalan ng paaralan.

“Nakita kaya ito ni inay?”

Malamang hindi. ‘Pagkat ito’y dekorasyon lamang.

Isang buntong-hininga nalang ang pinakawalan

nang nakaramdam ng lamig ang paang sumagi sa papag.

Matapos ang tila walang hanggang pagmumuni-muni’y

kinuha na lamang ang naapakang alambre

at sinubukang buksan ang pinto

ng walang hanggang katahimikan.

“From the day we are born we view this world from our perspective, a perspective where we seem to be the center of this reality. All that appears real to us is what we want, what we feel and what we think. Selfish nature seems to be innate within our brains and yet as we age, some of us develop a selfless nature for we learn to see from the perspective of the others around us. Those who suffer more understand the sufferings of others, those who experience hunger know what it is for others to go hungry and etc. Yet, with all the
information around us to adequately equip us with the wisdom of the suffering and pain of all those around us, our selfish nature seems to prevail most of the time.”

i was about to post a blog when i came across a featured blog entry. and much to my surprise, the first paragraph may generalize and philosophize on the things that i was about to say in this blog. and with the permission from the person who authored it, i quoted the first paragraph of his blog entry.

in my other blogs, i’ve been stressing my presumption that human beings are naturally self-centered. it may be true, it may be false. but my only basis of saying it is my interpretation of people’s behavior around me (my behavior included).

last week, my students had a debate over an issue that has something to do with morality. this was the situation i gave them:

a poor man is walking along the sidewalk. and ahead of her is an old woman who has unknowingly dropped an envelope containing money. at that moment, he badly needs money for his family. the arguement is whether to return the money or keep it.

i know this is an overrated issue to debate about but it served its purpose anyway, so it’s all good.

well, in a situation like this, dilemma sets in when we realize that we are so tempted to do the opposite of what is ideal. We know what is the right thing to do yet we tend to do the other way. and we try so damn hard to find reasons to justify that doing it isnt that bad at all. twisting the blame towards the victim is the most convenient way to vindicate ourselves of the remorse or guilt that we should feel. people get to ignore their conscience for their selfish nature tends to prevail most of the time.

every human being’s reality is likened to a vacuum sealed off from other entities. what is real to us are things that we perceive, feel and think. this is what makes us selfish. we only recognize our own needs and wants and we fail to see the big picture. every decision is focused on our selves. It may sound so ideal but, i think, being selfless is when we detach ourselves from the situation and look at it in a third person point of view.

One night, I was lying on my bed, deep in my thought, when a head popped up on the unpatched space in the middle of the wall that connects my room to the other room. It was just my cousin who was about to retire to bed (I wonder why he sleeps there when it’s my two-year old niece’s room, together with her nanny). I felt the desire to rip his head off as he flashed a grin before drawing back. What the hell was that for? Did he have to peep through the wall? Just checking on me, perhaps? Or just curious about what I was doing at that moment, perhaps? Lately, I have begun to see more and more heads. My other cousin’s, the nanny’s, my uncle’s. what the hell is the matter with these people? Though there is nothing seriously wrong with their sneaking, I feel uncomfortable with it. Thinking of what they might see through that space infuriates me. What if they see me naked as I’m putting my clothes on, or worse, doing something which I privately share only with myself. *grin* (like talking to myself in front of the mirror… that’s embarrassing) hihi…

The room across that wall is actually my niece’s (with her nanny). I just wonder why my 3 male relatives are sooooooooo free to go in and out that room. Maybe because it has no lock. And plus, the nanny is a flirt (everybody says so). She probably enjoys the invasion/visitation. My hands have been itching to patch that space with a fly wood. The only thing that prevents me from doing it is that the switch of the light bulb there is kinda broken, and the only thing that provides light inside that room is the space on the wall.

And through this incident, I have come up with this reflection.

I consider a bedroom a place of solitude, where one wants to be alone when he is in pensive mood and in deep thought. An entrance without a knock is definitely an intrusion of one’s privacy, let alone a peep through a hole/space on the wall. Curiosity is innate within us. We love discovering what we are not allowed to see. We are curious about what a person is doing when he is alone, especially when he is a very private person. However, we have to realize that invasion of one’s privacy is a violation of human right. When you are sneaking at somebody in his private moments without his knowledge, without his consent, and against his will, you are committing an offense. What else clothes are made for? Surely they are not just made for protection against cold weather, but also to cover our privates. To penetrate our vision through those pieces of garments is no more than as offensive as to peep through a hole on the wall of a bedroom.

I, for one, do not want being sneaked or spied at when I’m alone, especially when I’m in my room. But as this introspection occurred to me, memories came flashing back. I saw myself in the past; reading somebody else’s private text messages, eavesdropping into private conversations, etc. Again, I was not exempted in this moral depravity. But also, there is no use excavating the past. I’ve been saying this line many times and now, I’ll say it again. “What matters is that we learn from our mistakes”. It may sound like I’m looking for excuses for these behaviors, and I really am. Hihihi…. One thing to remember to avoid such is this: WE DON’T WANNA BE ROBBED OFF OF OUR PRIVACY IN THE SAME MANNER THAT OTHERS DON’T. in this modified golden rule, one thing is paramount. And that is…. R-E-S-PE-C-T.

*d’ brain hailing job is the anagram of my name (Jordan Habbiling)

When posing in front of the camera, we can actually exhibit a variety of persona from different angles; depending on how we would like to look like in the picture. We smile before the camera even if we don’t feel like doing so since we know that we look better in that manner. We comb, we dress up, we project because we somehow want to look presentable in the picture when in person, we look like hell. We can even build a façade which is entirely different from our image. Sometimes, we already look ridiculous to other people because we do stupid poses like holding fishes on both hands as props when in the market; clinging to an alnus tree as if it were a stripper’s pole; all of these for the sake of artistic effect.

Candid shots are said to be the best ones for they look more realistic. A picture taken unnoticed shows the real scenario. And from that picture, we can draw impressions what the person is like. The reason why we sometimes don’t like stolen shots is because it is where our guards are down and where we are stripped off of our guises. And most often than not, this gives other people the access to see our real emotions at that moment and to see a certain part of us which we want to conceal. For instance; you are shot (as in *CLICK*… not *BANG*) unawares while eating and you look weird in the picture; you are shot unawares while talking to your crush and it is evident in the picture that you have a thing for that person. As much as possible, we don’t want those things to happen to us. We want to keep only the pictures that, we think, are presentable and are worth showing to other people. This is also true not just in picture taking but also in real life. We are so careful not to expose a certain part of our identity for we are afraid of being loathed, scorned, hated, laughed at, and/or talked about by other people. We project the gold in us and we try so damn hard to hide our rot. I wonder what happened to our sense of identity.

I actually raised this topic about taking pictures because I noticed something fascinating in my creative shot (one of my graduation pictures). Attached below is my creative shot as our graduation picture. If you would notice, there is something imbalance about my face. You can say that the eyes are not equal in shape. Well, it’s true. But I guess, all people’s eyes are not equal when it comes to contour. Nevertheless, it’s part of the thrill.

If you concentrate on my face, you might find yourself confused whether I am smiling or not. But if you look at it in two equal sides literally, you’ll find the answer. When you cover the left half of my face with any sheet of paper (make sure you won’t see through it), you’ll see the serious Jordan. And when you cover the right haft of my face, you’ll see the smiling Jordan. Strange, aint it? But the most amazing thing here is that it also displays a more profound fact about me that goes beyond the question whether I’m smiling or not; a fact that manifests one of the abnormalities of a man and how unfair life is.

It suddenly reminded me of the Mona Lisa painting which is mentioned in The Da Vinci Code. Dan Brown (author of The Da Vinci Code) claims that half of the face of Mona Lisa is a “he” and the other half is a “she”. That probably explains, then, why her lips are kinda crooked, making it look like she’s smirking. The smiling half of the lips is a female’s, and the not-so-smiling half is a male’s (or maybe vice versa… not so sure). This concept concerning the farrago between the two genders also applies to my picture. Do the cover thing again and you’ll get what I mean.

Hedonism may have been rooted to humanity eversince man has existed. A person is said to be a hedonist when his conduct and action is motivated by mere self-interest and self-pleasure. Fundamentally speaking, every person has his own share of this characteristic; a mortal flaw which we may have inherited from our very first ancestors (Adan and Eve).

It is but natural for us to act in accordance with our pleasure and welfare. Inasmuch as we want and enjoy whatever is pleasurable, we tend to pursue our desires and appetites. This has always been the root cause of man’s self-indulgence to sex, vice, or anything that he finds pleasurable. It weakens our moral strength and blurs our vision of moral standpoint established/imposed by culture, society, and religion.

An action done out of hedonism may be as inevitable as meeting an accident. there are times when we succumb to our sinister thoughts and, with all our strength, can’t break free from our pleasure-dominated world. We realize our shortcomings and mistakes yet we rationalize these actions by saying “Tao lang naman ako na nagkakamali.” By all means, everyone is entitled to claim that he is only a human being incapable of resisting all the temptations that come along. But then, this does not give us an adequate excuse to repeat the same mistake over and over again. Once may just be a slip and is pardonable, but repetition of the same old mistake is already an offense (sin is a grave word).

I’m not moralizing about how sinister or wicked human beings are. I’m not pointing out that indulging one’s self to pleasure and satisfaction makes him evil. Just like what i have stated, “It is but natural for us to act in accordance with our pleasure.” In other words, self-indulgence or hedonism is human nature. For if we stress out that it is basically evil, then that makes everyone a BAD person or a sinner! We are no moral police. We cannot say that the act of sleeping with a neighbor is bad (mearried or not). Sexual intercourse is a human activity. It is NORMAL. But then, the fact that we have the power to stop ourselves from doing it means we have the freewill…and if we indulge in it, that makes it a sin. We may not have a control over our sinister thoughts but we can control always control our actions. And if we always act according to  whatever we feel and think is pleasurable, then we are morally twisted. Hence, the act of self-indulgence is not just a product of our human flaw (pagiging tao) but it is also an option.

I do not intend to say hat I am a saint infallible of such things. No one is impeccible. I have also had my share of such offenses in the past and even up to the present. I am no exception. That’s why i always use the pronouns “we” and “us” for I do not refer to anybody in particular. I do not mean to attack any personality here. Everything I have written is my discernment basing on my experience and observation. I’m an epitome of hedonism myself, just so you know. Be that as it may, everyone is a hedonist. Call me pessimistic and cynical but that’s how I see it. I commit mistakes everyday, every hour, but so be it. What matters most is that I’m trying to learn from my mistakes. Am I, really??????????????????????????

***this is a sonnet i wrote when i was 17… pardon it’s mushiness…

when death opens its gate for her entrance,
prepared or not prepared she should advance.
a forlorn girl on the verge of demise,
wishing no where to go after she dies.
oh years has passed without the sign of him.
mem’ries of him haunt her in every dream.
nonstop is her weep, it echoes at night.
longingness does linger clasping her tight.
across the mile there he is, tormented.
staring through bars, waiting for his beloved
oh years has passed without the sight of her.
winter has come and the flower does wither
“I love you!” says the voice from a distance.
“Don’t leave me!” says he, but there’s no response.

*this is my first and probably my last poem…

PRIDE AND PREJUDICE

The saddest thing that you can hear from a friend is his/her misconception towards your words, actions, or even you yourself. it hurts to know that he/she misinterprets your words and actions by making himself/herself as the basis of what ought to do and what not ought to do. What’s infuriating is that you know in yourself that he/she is wrong with his/her postulation towards you yet you can’t prove that because you already lost your momentum to explain.

“What’s the problem with you? I would not have reacted that way had I been in your situation”. This line exemplifies a wrong postulation. We are not an exemplar to other people for our philosophies, attitudes, behaviors, outlook in life, etc. differ from other people’s. The reason why we tend to judge a person hastily (for doing something that is beyond our comprehension) is that we always set ourselves as a standard in distinguishing whether an action is bad or good. We say that an action is bad just because it is not what we should have done had we been in that sitation.

Holding prejudice against someone may be true to everybody. It may be human nature. If so, then I say that it’s not an evil thing at all. It may be just normal for us to think negatively about other people since human beings are entitled to have the ability to form judgements without the reasoning process. That is what we call human instinct.

However, prejudice goes from bad to worse if we fail to recognize and respect the reasons behind people’s actions. Considering people’s explanations for their “seemingly” strange and unwanted behavior is a hard thing to do since we have different principles in life. This, as a result, opens the possibility for us to block and refute other people’s explanations. The worst thing is when we fabricate a worse judgment about a person out of his/her explanations for his /her actions or behavior. A crude and bubbly person, after talking to a respected man, may be questioned by his friends why he suddenly act with courtesy in front of that man. He explains that he has various approaches towards dealing with different kinds of people. But then he may be accused as an impostor. for other people who are followers of this cliched phrase “be yourself”, they may not understand that it’s not an act of pretending to be someone you are not. but intstead, it’s a matter of not putting yourself to shame, a mechanism that we often use so as not to be judged by other people.

Being objective may be too ideal. It really takes an open mind to set ourselves free from bias and prejudice caused by our individualism. Objectivity goes hand in hand with r-e-s-p-e-c-t and s-e-n-s-i-t-i-v-i-t-y.